This was a journal entry written in August 2011.
As I was preparing for the World Great Adventure Tour (WGAT) 2011, my main prayer was for God to speak to me intimately. To affirm me that I am loved by Him. During those 9 days, I could hear His whispers to me through the daily readings, the sessions, the raw beauty of the Philippines, the beautiful weather, the people I was with – and yet, my heart craved for a more intimate message.
Then I discovered the real meaning of "Let God speak to you intimately".
It was 4AM on a 12 hour bus overnight ride from Manila to Camarines Sur when we stopped at a gas station. I was fast asleep but my eyes flew open when I heard the sounds of the ‘Taho man’. I scrambled over my companions to catch him before he left – and I ended up having 3 servings.
A couple of days later in Naga City as we were leaving our accommodation, I heard the call for ‘Taho’ again. I had 2 servings before getting on the bus.
Towards the end of trip, after another 12 hour overnight bus ride, who would I hear in our accommodation at Angono, Rizal but the ‘Taho man’? Was he waiting for me?
But on our last day of WGAT, during our personal prayer time after the morning worship session. I had to step out of the retreat house desperately struggling for that intimate message I was asking Him for.
Because I had yet to receive anything!
Disappointed, I returned to the house sitting on a chair in the patio feeling empty... When I heard the faint call of the ‘Taho man’.
Although technically, our prayer time wasn’t over yet, I wanted to run for my wallet to buy another serving – when it finally struck me.
God is my taho man.
It was the simplicity of that moment that shook my heart.
Throughout the entire WGAT experience, I wanted His message to arrive in an overdramatic, earth-shattering way. Nothing short of Angel Gabriel arriving from heaven pronouncing that God loves me.
And yet, that’s when I realized that God doesn't employ one formula in speaking to His children. It's because He knows us soooooo intimately and personally, that He would speak to us in a way that we would recognise.
It was at that moment of desperation when I finally heard God's affirmation of love for me.
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Apple, I want your heart to always have that same passion for loving Me, in searching for Me, in desiring to be with Me. I may use different people, different places, and different situations to speak to you, but you will always hear My voice calling to you if you only open the ears of your heart to Me.
Then when you hear Me calling to you, I desire for your heart to have the same posture of dropping everything else to come running to Me.
For it is your heart that I desire.
A heart that continually burns with the desire for finding Me.
A heart that will remain restless until You have sought your refuge in Me.
And I promise you, that when you come to Me, it will not only be the sweetness of the taho that you will receive.
No, it will be much sweeter.
For it will be not just your body that will be nourished, but your soul that will finally be satisfied.
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Mga Langga, if you are reading this and feel that you can't hear God's affirmation of love for you, remember that prayer isn't a one way street but a boulevard.
Allow yourself to let His everlasting and intimate love overflow in your heart. For that is what He desires to do.
If you have been trying to hear Him again and again, and nothing seems to happen, don't be afraid to take a step back, to inhale and get rid of the noise around you and try again.
No matter how many times you hear or read that God loves you, we can never believe it until we experience His love for ourselves.
Because once you experience the warmth of His embrace, you will never be the same again.
You are, and always have been, God's beloved.
Always remember, palangga ka sang Diyos.
Love,
Manang
